Here it is again yet it stings like the first time.

I'm like two days away from leaving to India. And for those of you who still don't know, I'm going to Manipal to do medicine. ( I feel funny saying it la, I'm probably just not used to it, I think.)



I'm going to be dissecting bodies from now onwards and my blog is going to be filled with pictures of visceral organs and cadavers and I'll probably have a viewer's discretion sign on the top of the page. Wtf la. God forbid. I promise you that my blog will be safe to read while eating and even if not, I'll warn you guys first.



On a different note, I'm feeling pretty sad about leaving. There's so much at home that I'm going to miss. And if I could fit everything in a suitcase, I would bring it all with me. But all that can come along with me are the only small pieces of the entire puzzle. Sigh.



It just hit me suddenly, when I had to choose what Maggi flavour I wanted and when I was buying three-in-one sachets of Milo and Nescafe. It was just like before I left to Subang, but this is not the
four-hour-ride-away-from-home anymore. This is waayy different.



Everybody is telling me that time will fly by and before I know it, I'll be home again. I want to believe them badly but I know that I'm going to miss out on soo many things in this two and the half years period. There will be family reunions, birthdays, engagements and weddings that I'll be missing on.
And I swear I'll cry if my baby cousin doesn't recognise me anymore after six months.



I've been trying to eat all my favourite food here and I just don't think I can have all that I want before I leave. I was trying to memorise the taste of laksa the other day and my sister started laughing at me. I know I probably sound pathetic but I've to live for six months without having all my comfort Malaysian food.



Before I leave, I'm going to memorise every single detail of my home and my room, till every single small mark and the absolute slightest detail is vivid in my memory. And I'll make sure it never does fade away, even the scent of my room and the sound of my dad's lamb chop sizzling on the pan.



This is only the small part of how I'm feeling now and I know it's going to get worse during the last few minutes when I'm leaving all the familiar faces to somewhere far and different and maybe even evil.


Sob sob.

Can you rise to the occasion?

Yesterday was that time where seventeen years ago, a woman was in a constant state of pain because of an annoyingly overactive foetus who couldn't wait to get out. Then at around 10.20 p.m of the 25th of July 1991, the baby squeezed her way out.



And the kid was to be named Tharani Naidu.



25 07 2008 Friday



Sigh. I wasn't really looking forward to this day but of course you know, once in while, you realise that it's your birthday coming and you get a teeny weeny rush of excitement? I did feel that way. And every year the monotony of the day freaks me out, this year I was hoping for something different, for it being my first college year and the first time being away from home.




You try not to think about how the day will turn out.


Focus. Focus. Focus.


Homeostatic control mechanisms are self regulating ones that involve negative feedback.


Remember. Remember. Remember.


But somehow, your mind keeps drifting away and you start thinking about your birthday.


No. No. No.


Bio test on Monday. Focus.


You fail. Your mind drifts away again and you forget about the impending bio test.




At sharp 12 a.m, Sherene wished me. Then, messages came in wishing me a great birthday and a great day ahead and a wonderful year of surprises. Sigh. The bullock this people come up with. But then again, thanks for remembering and I'm glad I was of some importance to these people.




Now, get back to studying, you tell yourself.


But, no, your mind just does not seem to work.


Why? Why?


Shit.


You fight sleep in order to swallow a lymphatic system.


Shit.


You fall into a deep sleep.


Like every other day, you wake up on your birthday like it's just another day.


You randomly pick your clothes and get ready for college.


Monotony. Monotony. Monotony.


You reach on time to class.


Friends wish you. Some don't.


Predictable. Very predictable. Just too predictable.




First period was english. And Sha-maine told Dr.Santa that it was my birthday. Class went on as usual and towards the end of it, Dr Santa asked the class to sing me the birthday song. Now, that was something different. Something I never thought would happen. I was really touched. She doesn't hate me that much after all.




One hour ago, you knew you were going to eat the next hour.


You walk with a bunch of classmates for brunch.


Sigh. A routine choreographed for months.




Sha-maine, Benny, Phui Yan and I went to Subway and I had the usual sandwich. I just don't know why I order the same thing everytime. Just like when I'm in Starbucks. It's always the caramel frap. Don't ask me why. And yes, so we ate and took pictures and talked about Planck's Constant and laughed and had lots of fun. And then we headed down to Starbucks where they got me a slice of chocolate banana pie. Yum. And stupid Benny forced me to eat the cake all by myself and he refused to even take a bite. (Wait, Benny, just wait, on your birthday, I'll make you swallow the sodium thiosulphate solution.)




Then the day goes by, as usual again.


Bio lesson goes on.


As usual, you don't listen to a thing.


Blah. Blah. Blah.




Another break arrives and the four of us again went up to the library to a discussion room and we about to hit the sack there when Phui Yan got a phone call. She and Sha-maine had Physics extra class and so Benny and I were left at the library. So we decided to use the computers and we played a stupid game called the mash game. You know the one where you list down your crushes and cars and places you want to go and calculate and you'll find out which one of your crushes you end up marrying, which car you drive and where you end up staying? Yes, we played the online version of it. Benny would marry Sydney girl but end up as a beggar. Sha-maine would marry pores and drive a duck shit green Ferrari. And well, I had everything good. I will marry him, have 4 kids, drive a red Ferrari, live in Rome and become a doctor. Score, birthdays do bring good luck after all.




Sigh. Classes commence again.


Bo-ring.


Physics. Followed by Chemistry and then Maths.


Blah. Blah. Blah.


You never listen, I wonder how you get away with it.


Somehow you hope there will be a surprise party planned out for you.


But what crap. Who has the time to think for someone else?


Not that you liked surprise parties in the first place.




I reached home after school. Studied bio and was glad that my birthday was just another day. I had instant noodles for dinner just like how I planned I would weeks ago. Declined invitations and was happily slurping Maggi mee.




Time flies. The day just started right?


No, you realise that it's time to go to bed already.


You curl up in bed reading Jane Eyre eating the dark chocolates he bought you while listening to Amaranth repeatedly.


Nice. Nice. Nice.


The day is going to end. Your birthday is going to end.


Sigh. The hype about birthdays.


They turn out to be nothing.


And you realise that you're seventeen.


Just like you expected you would, yesterday.





But I really did enjoy my birthday. Guys, I love the bag. It's fabulous. It's completes me, you know. And I had loads of fun, even the pre-birthday dinner at Kim Gary. Everything was wonderful. I feel like writing a speech to thank everyone for everything. Thank you. Thank you. You know I love you all. Although if the sky falls, I'd save myself first. And no, I'm not kidding.



For those of you who didn't wish me, pay back next year. And for those who have succeeded in making me happy, you can get away even with bullying me.



And wow.




I'm seventeen.

You start to wonder why you're here not there.

I think there's something wrong with my blog template. But I'm too lazy to deal with it now.


And I know I haven't been updating my blog for a very time. All because of the stupid wireless at my apartment and stupid Aunty Sonia who haven't been paying the bills.



Last weekend or was it the weekend before or three weekends ago, I don't know, but I went to Malacca with Sha-maine, Phui Yan and Benny on that weekend.


And we stayed at Sha-maine's house and we saw Sha-maine's boyboy and we ate yummy stuff and we bought dodols which speaking of is still lying untouched in my refrigerator and I'm too lazy to type so here are some of the pictures we took there. I'm too lazy to upload the rest of the pictures. It's in my facebook account so go take a look there.

Benny, Phui Yan and me

Sha-maine, Phui Yan and me

The three of us again. I like this picture a lot.

Benny looking retarded.



Benny still looking retarded. Sigh.

Waffle Craze

It looks at you fearfully,
You look at it hungrily.


It shivers in its place,
You wriggle gleefully in your seat.


It says its last prayer,
You give your lips a last lick.


It screams in anguish,
You sigh satisfactorily.


It shrieks in acute pain,
You burp loudly.


It disappears forever,
You hope it will reappear.



You look at the remains,
Of that fateful waffle.



You remember how delicious it tasted,
But forgot how terrible it felt.