Here it is again yet it stings like the first time.

I'm like two days away from leaving to India. And for those of you who still don't know, I'm going to Manipal to do medicine. ( I feel funny saying it la, I'm probably just not used to it, I think.)



I'm going to be dissecting bodies from now onwards and my blog is going to be filled with pictures of visceral organs and cadavers and I'll probably have a viewer's discretion sign on the top of the page. Wtf la. God forbid. I promise you that my blog will be safe to read while eating and even if not, I'll warn you guys first.



On a different note, I'm feeling pretty sad about leaving. There's so much at home that I'm going to miss. And if I could fit everything in a suitcase, I would bring it all with me. But all that can come along with me are the only small pieces of the entire puzzle. Sigh.



It just hit me suddenly, when I had to choose what Maggi flavour I wanted and when I was buying three-in-one sachets of Milo and Nescafe. It was just like before I left to Subang, but this is not the
four-hour-ride-away-from-home anymore. This is waayy different.



Everybody is telling me that time will fly by and before I know it, I'll be home again. I want to believe them badly but I know that I'm going to miss out on soo many things in this two and the half years period. There will be family reunions, birthdays, engagements and weddings that I'll be missing on.
And I swear I'll cry if my baby cousin doesn't recognise me anymore after six months.



I've been trying to eat all my favourite food here and I just don't think I can have all that I want before I leave. I was trying to memorise the taste of laksa the other day and my sister started laughing at me. I know I probably sound pathetic but I've to live for six months without having all my comfort Malaysian food.



Before I leave, I'm going to memorise every single detail of my home and my room, till every single small mark and the absolute slightest detail is vivid in my memory. And I'll make sure it never does fade away, even the scent of my room and the sound of my dad's lamb chop sizzling on the pan.



This is only the small part of how I'm feeling now and I know it's going to get worse during the last few minutes when I'm leaving all the familiar faces to somewhere far and different and maybe even evil.


Sob sob.

Worlds collide.

In the eyes of all the narrow-minded teachers at my high school, I was the-girl-with-the-attitude-problem.



They didn't care that I got good grades or that I helped pull up the average of the school in major examinations or that I had 10 stunning A's for SPM or that I debated for the school and state or that I wrote stuff for the school in competitions or that I helped raising funds for the school.



And most importantly, they never cared about the 500 ringgit that my teammates and I won in a competition, which we were forced to donate to the school.



All that mattered to them was that I had hair falling all over my face and that I skipped school a little too often and I was rude to them.



So what if I stayed home during school days because I thought my teachers weren't doing a very good job teaching and that I would rather be studying at home than attending school? With my parents' permission at that.



So fine, I had hair falling over my eyes but who am I harming by doing so? And when some rigid, kampung mentality teacher questions me about my hair and start making rude remarks, what's wrong in standing up for myself by raising my voice?



So to all the asshole teachers in my high school who sat in the staffroom all day shaking their legs, eating karipap and drinking teh ais, talking about what an epic failure Tharani Naidu is going to become, I'll tell you now that I'm going to medical school and will be a successful doctor. And when you come running to me to save your lives, I might have to think twice.

.

.

.

.

p/s- I didn't mean all the teachers in my high school, just certain narrow-minded ones who were always finding faults in students and bullying those who were too afraid to stand up for themselves. But to the rest of the teachers who always had faith in me, I love you guys.

Agony and irony.

Yes, I found my passport. It was in this isolated drawer at home, I mean nobody would ever think of looking for something there. It's like a hidden and concealed and unnoticeable drawer. That's why i took so long to look for it, you know. It's like an impossible place to look for a missing passport.



Totally and extremely and awfully impossible.



Okay la. Wtf la. I'm lying. It was in this drawer so close to the television, the first place anybody would think of checking if they were looking for something. Of course, I didn't think of looking for my passport there la because I'm such a genius that even I amaze myself sometimes.



It's so typical of me to ignore what's right before my eyes la, I tell you. I even thought of searching the dustbin but not that drawer, the toilet but not that drawer. I emptied all my jeans pockets and checked inside the washing machine also. You know, I think I walked past that drawer a gazillion times but never once thought of looking inside it.



So when I was like in a gonna die state, I told my sister about the missing passport and that I'll have to smuggle myself out of the country and would she bail me out if I get caught by the police.



She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "It should be around here somewhere la." And I said, "No, it's not. I looked for it everywhere already la."



Oh, and I emphasized soo much on that everywhere.



I think my sister panicked a little too so she said she'd help me to look for it. And so she stood up and walked straight up to that drawer and opened it and took my passport out and said, "Eh, you want attention is it?"



Sigh.


I think I just told everyone what a dork I am on my own blog.

I misplaced

my passport.


I
am
so
screwed.

Stayin' alive.

Mmm. I think I've lost the passion to blog. I'd summarize what I've been doing and I end up with zero content.



I've been sleeping my days away, not cause of exhaustion but boredom. I don't even know what day is it today.



I hate being home where there are simply not enough snacks. I wonder how the rest of my family survives. And there isn't any more tissue paper. So sad la my life. No place to blow my nose also.



I'm craving for peanut butter and ice cream. And it has to be satisfied pronto. Or else I'm going to go crazy. Sob sob.



One thing I hate about new books is that I get paper cuts while reading them. I'm so prone to paper cuts la, I don't know why. I always end up with cuts after a night of cramming up for exams.



Sometimes I feel like throwing away all my dirty, folded and disgusting looking one ringgit notes. I don't know why but I rather throw them into the bin then giving them away.



I can't wait for Sunday. Eh, isn't it Saturday already? No wait, yesterday was Wednesday. I don't know la. I've lost track of time. Everyday is exactly the same so I can't distinguish the days anymore.



Maybe I should go to some culinary school and end up making chocolate bourbon pecan tarts and hazelnut cakes with chocolate truffle fillings for the rest of my life.



Or I could run away to fashion school, designing shoes and dresses and live happily ever after.



Or I could be a good girl and listen to my mum, go to medical school and spend the rest of my life killing people.



My cranium is pounding and I'm so sleepy. Which is crazy, considering I woke up just a few hours ago. I think I need help.



Bye bye.

2 0 0 9

The year 2009 has not exactly been very nice to me. Yes, it has only been a few days but everything seems to be so harsh, I'm almost afraid of the whole year that lies ahead.



Okay fine, I'll quit lamenting about how the year feels so lazy and I didn't bother making any resolutions because I know I can never stick to any of them.



And by the end of 2009, I'll be on my way to becoming a doctor or possibly a stand-up comedian.

"We read to know that we are not alone." ~C.S Lewis

I've been reading reading reading and I have fallen in love with so many books and I almost forgot how different good books smell and this are good stuff good stuff read and read and smile and laugh and cry and regret they ended so fast cause you wish they lasted longer.


All this while I haven't been just hungry, I've been hungry for books.



"Jennifer Aniston and Her New Man'" I read the words aloud uncertainly. "What new man? Why would she need a new man?"

"Oh yes." Nicole follows my gaze, unconcerned. "You know she split up from Brad Pitt?"

"Jennifer and Brad split?" I stare up at her, aghast. "You can't be serious! They can't have done!"

"He went off with Angelina Jolie. They've got a daughter."

"No!" I wail. "But Jen and Brad were so perfect together! They looked so good and they had that lovely wedding picture and everything...."

"They're divorced now." Nicole shrugs, like it's no big deal.

I can't get over this. Jennifer and Brad divorced. The world is a different place.


Rememeber me?
~Sophie Kinsella



"In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future."


Change of heart
~Jodi Picoult



"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me? I think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."


Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
~Jonathan Safran Foer



"Women change, Harry," Eamon said, leaning back, getting expensive. "What you have to understand is that at different times in her life, a woman is like the world."

"How's that?"

"Well, from thirteen to eighteen, she's like Africa - virgin territory. From eighteen to thirty, she's like Asia - hot and exotic. From thirty to forty-five, she's like America - fully explored but generous with her resources. From forty-five to fifty-five, she's like Europe - a bit exhausted, a bit knackered, but still with many places of interest. And from fifty five onwards, she's like Australia - everybody knows it's down there somewhere, but very few will make the effort to find it."


Man and wife
~Tony Parsons



And now I'm going to start on One for my baby by Tony Parsons.


I've never been more pleased with myself. =)))

And somehow, this hell is home.

The finals are over. I'm happy but I know I could have done much better.



I don't know how and I don't care how, but I'm going to awe everyone in medical school. Yes, I'm going to do way better than everyone else, I don't care if I have to raise up the dead for that but I'm going to do it. Oh yes, baby, I am. You scared now? Huh? Huh?



You wait, med school, you just wait for this genius who's going to save lives like she snaps her fingers. (Wait, I don't exactly know how to snap my fingers. Damn.)



Sigh. I was expecting to post something happy and nice since the exams are over and I'm having quite a bit of fun but I typed out all that in a rush before I could even stop myself. So you know what, since I've started ranting, I'm going to continue till I feel better so pardon me.



I can't believe the year has ended so fast. And I can't believe that I'm leaving this shithole already. Tonight will be the last night on my bed here and I can't believe I'm feeling almost sad that I can no longer sleep on this hard, rock-like, on the verge of breaking bed.



Rewind ten months before this, I was complaining about everything. I hated the bed, the bathroom, the whole freaking house actually. I felt dirtier after taking my shower when I first got here. Yes, that's how disgusting the situation of the bathroom is. But then somehow, I got used to it. And I thought I'll never grow on this place but I have. Now, I don't want to leave my shithole. It might be a shithole but it's MY shithole.



God. I'm going to cry now. And I'm so going to miss my friends, my roommate and even my fatass housemate whose laugh that sounds like grating fingernails on a chalkboard. Damn. It's like having a one night stand you know. One fantastic night with someone and then the next morning the person's gone. Only SAM's a year and you have a fantastic year with everybody and then the next year, everyone's gone, heading for different directions.



And no, it does not just stop there. Who has a two minute walk to college, to fastfood and Starbucks coffee? I did. But tomorrow onwards, my life will go back to Cindrella's life before she went to the ball. I sound like some abused child who ran away from home, don't I?



It's not like I don't want to go home. I do. I miss home so much. But to think that it's my last day on this creaking bed is just plain saddening you know. Tomorrow onwards I'm no college student. And I don't know what's in store for me next year. I could end up at some ulu place with no access to Internet, eating Maggi mee every night. Sigh.



And and the SAM results will be in a month plus from now. Which scares me so much too.



I'm packing now and it's so depressing to see everything for almost the last time. Sigh.



I'm about to go to bed and tomorrow, I'm going to leave this place with reluctance and possibly even tears.



Good night, Subang Jaya.

God bless catastrophe.

Okay. Fine.


Have a nice day.


Goodnight.



These are words that could twist around the heart like vines. And make you cry.


:
:
:


p/s- I seem to have developed a flu. And a migraine and a sore throat and high fever. The flu is so agonizing and I'm sneezing like ten times at a go. And my ear is constantly blocked which means I'm partially deaf too, and when Sha-maine was talking to me this morning, I actually couldn't hear a damn thing, so I just nodded. And then she repeated her question and I realised that I actually nodded to, "What class are we supposed to be in?". Sigh. I feel like I'm dying a slow and painful death. God knows if I'll ever recover from this incessant headache and I think I forgot how life feels like without a blocked ear.



p/p/s- Can I do exceptionally well in the final exam by studying in say, seven days?

You live and you burn.

I have severe bacterial conjunctivitis. Yes, don't come near me. My eyes constantly hurt and are constantly red and are constantly watering and people are constantly asking me if I'm crying.



So you see, I can't wear contact lenses for a week which means I have to wear glasses. And I usually only use my glasses during classes, so, when I'm walking around college, I'm half blind. Wait, make it three-quarters blind.



And some people come up to me saying, "Eh, you damn stuck up ah. I say hi also, you pretend don't know ni."



The truth is, I'm actually squinting at everything and everybody I see trying to figure out shapes and sizes and colour. Mind you, I can't even differentiate the opposite sex without the aid of my glasses.



So, if you see me in college, try putting up your hands and wave them wildly in my direction screaming my name out loud. And if I still don't response, then I'm really sorry, okay?



Apart from me being blind, life is pretty much fucked up right now. The trials are coming and I'm still chilling and I know I'm going to freak out at the last minute but I still can't be bothered just yet and here I am, blogging at Starbucks when I'm supposed to be studying.



Oh and I'm supposed to blog about the workshop Benny and I went to last week. We disected a rat and I accidentally punctured the rat's gut and all its shit squeezed out and the whole lab started to stink. But it was fun though. Will post up the pictures and explain in detail soon.



I'm having a headache now by the way. Caffeine overdose, I should think. Stupid trials.



P.S- Alkaline Trio's Burn rock.

P.P.S- Happy 18th birthday, Aravind! Hope you get a hot girlfriend soon.

It could be (a), (b) or (c).

1. I didn't have time to update my blog because:


(a) I had fun during the holidays.

(b) I was lazy.

(c) All of the above.



2. During the holidays:


(a) I met up with friends.

(b) Spent one hour maximum trying to read up on chemistry.

(c) All of the above.



3. I came back one day earlier from JB because:


(a) I thought my apartment would be a more conducive place to study.

(b) I guess it's more inspiring to blog here than to study.

(c) All of the above.



4. On my way back here:


(a) I had to endure six hours of controlling my bladder.

(b) I got drenched in rain and I'm having a fucking migraine now.

(c) All of the above.



5. Right now:


(a) I could throw a chicken on Benny's face.

(b) I could use some nice coffee.

(c) All of the above.



6. If you ask why I could throw a chicken on Benny's face:


(a) I don't like the chicken.

(b) Benny was a naughty naughty boy.

(c) All of the above.



And, ladies and gentlemen, if you had picked the answer (c) for every question above, you're absolutely right!


*Claps*



And here's explanation for question number 6:


тнαяαиι says:
heyy

тнαяαиι says:
how was the holidays?

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
apa lu mau

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
sangat stress la

тнαяαиι says:
oops sorry

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
ingat boleh rehat

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
ibubapa pergi bercuti

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
saya di rumah sibuk masak, cuci baju, cuci tempat anjing

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
pungut tahi anjing

тнαяαиι says:
poor thing

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
saya perlu pigi lipat baju saya

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
bye bye

тнαяαиι says:
have fun

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
saya hanya on9 untuk lihat e-mel

тнαяαиι says:
sorry la

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
itu bukan fun

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
itu susah

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
mau study pun tak boleh

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
saya ambil itu ct3 chem

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
satu perkara saya pun tak tau

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
sudah mati lo

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
saya mau bye bye

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
bye bye

тнαяαиι says:
bye

[{(Ben~Jam~In)}] Leong says:
cakap dgn u pada hari isnin



Grrrrr. Geramnya.

It's ih-RAHN-ean lah.

I feel like I just got a TER of 99.9.



According to Charles Harrington Elster, who is probably America’s foremost pronunciation expert, in a brand-new edition of his “Big Book of Beastly Mispronunciations,” he mentions, “I recommend ih-RAHN-ean for a global usage, but ih-RAYN-ean could be acceptable in certain societies."



See. See. See. Ih-RAHN-ean for a GLOBAL usage. I knew I was right.



I know you're not wrong either but we speak GLOBAL man. GLOBAL.



For those who think I've gone nuts, I had this argument with someone on the way to pronounce Iranian. Well, it wasn't exactly an argument.



Me : There's is hot Ih-RAHN-ean guy at college called Peter.

Him : It's Ih-RAYN-ean not Ih-RAHN-ean lah.

Me : (too interested in the hot guy to bother) Alah. Whatever. He's damn hot la, wei.



But my dear, although I seemed like I didn't care about it then, I'm too much a perfectionist to let it go just like that.



And now, I feel like a fucking millionaire cause I was right, or at least, more right than you were.



I'm soo going to get myself a Caramel Frap from Starbucks to celebrate.

Sing me a lullaby.

Iknowthisisextremelyrandombutjustshutupandreadlah.



- I cooked yesterday with Sherene and our meatball spaghetti turned out quite good for first timers.


- I have food poisoning. I wonder what caused it. What's the last thing I ate again? Meatball spaghe.. No, wait. Can't be.


- I attempted to read Physics at Starbucks yesterday. Oh the perfections of coffee.


- I love the colour of my new contact lenses but no one seems to notice it. Oh bother.


- I think the haze is killing me. First, my visions are getting blur. Then, I'm stopping to catch breath very frequently. I think I might die in college.


- I feel like eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream with peanut butter.


- I just fucking realised that Rio de Janeiro is in Brazil. Wtf? How come no one has ever told me that? I feel like I've been cheated my whole life.


- I've always, always wanted to make out on a piano. Damn.


- I bought this absolutely gorgeous looking purse. I've never been more proud of myself.


- I need someone to tell me how is the correct way to pronounce Iranian.


- I was just ranting to my friend on msn for five sodding minutes till I finally realised that I was actually talking to myself.


- Some taxi drivers should be kicked in the southern region.


- I've got Physics common test on Tuesday.


- I feel like sleeping.


- But I need to study Physics.


- Tomorrow la.


- Yawn.


- Night.



I'msorryfortherandomnessofthispost.

Can you rise to the occasion?

Yesterday was that time where seventeen years ago, a woman was in a constant state of pain because of an annoyingly overactive foetus who couldn't wait to get out. Then at around 10.20 p.m of the 25th of July 1991, the baby squeezed her way out.



And the kid was to be named Tharani Naidu.



25 07 2008 Friday



Sigh. I wasn't really looking forward to this day but of course you know, once in while, you realise that it's your birthday coming and you get a teeny weeny rush of excitement? I did feel that way. And every year the monotony of the day freaks me out, this year I was hoping for something different, for it being my first college year and the first time being away from home.




You try not to think about how the day will turn out.


Focus. Focus. Focus.


Homeostatic control mechanisms are self regulating ones that involve negative feedback.


Remember. Remember. Remember.


But somehow, your mind keeps drifting away and you start thinking about your birthday.


No. No. No.


Bio test on Monday. Focus.


You fail. Your mind drifts away again and you forget about the impending bio test.




At sharp 12 a.m, Sherene wished me. Then, messages came in wishing me a great birthday and a great day ahead and a wonderful year of surprises. Sigh. The bullock this people come up with. But then again, thanks for remembering and I'm glad I was of some importance to these people.




Now, get back to studying, you tell yourself.


But, no, your mind just does not seem to work.


Why? Why?


Shit.


You fight sleep in order to swallow a lymphatic system.


Shit.


You fall into a deep sleep.


Like every other day, you wake up on your birthday like it's just another day.


You randomly pick your clothes and get ready for college.


Monotony. Monotony. Monotony.


You reach on time to class.


Friends wish you. Some don't.


Predictable. Very predictable. Just too predictable.




First period was english. And Sha-maine told Dr.Santa that it was my birthday. Class went on as usual and towards the end of it, Dr Santa asked the class to sing me the birthday song. Now, that was something different. Something I never thought would happen. I was really touched. She doesn't hate me that much after all.




One hour ago, you knew you were going to eat the next hour.


You walk with a bunch of classmates for brunch.


Sigh. A routine choreographed for months.




Sha-maine, Benny, Phui Yan and I went to Subway and I had the usual sandwich. I just don't know why I order the same thing everytime. Just like when I'm in Starbucks. It's always the caramel frap. Don't ask me why. And yes, so we ate and took pictures and talked about Planck's Constant and laughed and had lots of fun. And then we headed down to Starbucks where they got me a slice of chocolate banana pie. Yum. And stupid Benny forced me to eat the cake all by myself and he refused to even take a bite. (Wait, Benny, just wait, on your birthday, I'll make you swallow the sodium thiosulphate solution.)




Then the day goes by, as usual again.


Bio lesson goes on.


As usual, you don't listen to a thing.


Blah. Blah. Blah.




Another break arrives and the four of us again went up to the library to a discussion room and we about to hit the sack there when Phui Yan got a phone call. She and Sha-maine had Physics extra class and so Benny and I were left at the library. So we decided to use the computers and we played a stupid game called the mash game. You know the one where you list down your crushes and cars and places you want to go and calculate and you'll find out which one of your crushes you end up marrying, which car you drive and where you end up staying? Yes, we played the online version of it. Benny would marry Sydney girl but end up as a beggar. Sha-maine would marry pores and drive a duck shit green Ferrari. And well, I had everything good. I will marry him, have 4 kids, drive a red Ferrari, live in Rome and become a doctor. Score, birthdays do bring good luck after all.




Sigh. Classes commence again.


Bo-ring.


Physics. Followed by Chemistry and then Maths.


Blah. Blah. Blah.


You never listen, I wonder how you get away with it.


Somehow you hope there will be a surprise party planned out for you.


But what crap. Who has the time to think for someone else?


Not that you liked surprise parties in the first place.




I reached home after school. Studied bio and was glad that my birthday was just another day. I had instant noodles for dinner just like how I planned I would weeks ago. Declined invitations and was happily slurping Maggi mee.




Time flies. The day just started right?


No, you realise that it's time to go to bed already.


You curl up in bed reading Jane Eyre eating the dark chocolates he bought you while listening to Amaranth repeatedly.


Nice. Nice. Nice.


The day is going to end. Your birthday is going to end.


Sigh. The hype about birthdays.


They turn out to be nothing.


And you realise that you're seventeen.


Just like you expected you would, yesterday.





But I really did enjoy my birthday. Guys, I love the bag. It's fabulous. It's completes me, you know. And I had loads of fun, even the pre-birthday dinner at Kim Gary. Everything was wonderful. I feel like writing a speech to thank everyone for everything. Thank you. Thank you. You know I love you all. Although if the sky falls, I'd save myself first. And no, I'm not kidding.



For those of you who didn't wish me, pay back next year. And for those who have succeeded in making me happy, you can get away even with bullying me.



And wow.




I'm seventeen.

Calculate your sex score.

My Maths lecturer reminds me of my mum's autistic student.



This man is from China and he's called Mr. Wang but we pronounce it as wear-ng just to aggravate him because he pronounces all our names with the most annoying fake-British accent, but no, he never seems irritated when you call him that which so happens to irritate you more. Get it?



Nevermind. He just infuriates me to no end.



Just imagine sitting through one hour of lecture on Maths not understanding a thing.



It doesn't stop there. He mispronounces words and his accent is a bloody annoyance.


Sigma X as siggema x.

Standard deviation as sand devation.

Z-score as sex score.



Don't laugh. He's a lecturer. Respect the poor guy.


But but but he is detrimental to the emotional state of my mind. He's he's he's driving me nuts. I'm I'm I'm turning insane.


How do you think the other students do it then?


How would I know? I just don't get what he's saying. If my TER sucks, it's him.


Oh right. Go on and blame everyone else except yourself. You're always right, aren't you?


Shut up. I'm helping myself as far as I can get. I'm trying my best. And I'm only blaming him not 'everyone else', as you put it.


Helping yourself? Look who's blogging now. You could be doing more worthwhile things, like say, study?


Pfft. Grrr. Fine. Later.


Procrastinator.


DON'TGETMEONMYNERVES.


Sigh. I give up.



Basically, you've just seen a conversation between me and well, me. A lazy one and the more sensible one. Hey, I could be sensible too okay. But the lazy, procrastinator one always reigns supreme which explains why I'm not Einstein yet.



Yet? Yet? You think you'll ever be Einstein?


I thought you gave up? Here we go again.


I have better things to do than to argue with you, actually.


Hah hah. Loser.



Anyways, it's depressing. My Maths is just deteriorating like anything. Sigh.



And I'm beginning to mispronounce words too.



THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT. REALLY! IT IS.


Oh rubbish. Don't get me started.



And another whole episode of the Tharani and well, Tharani conversation takes place again.

If I could escape.

It's funny how I entered college beginning of this year, thinking that everything was going to be simple and fun. I was looking forward for this year, somehow or rather. And it's so ironic how I thought that things were going to be different and my life would take a change.



I was so sure that all that stress ended with SPM and college life would be of rainbows and smiles.


Oh shut up. Don't laugh.


And on the first day, I realised that I didn't quite much like the people I met. I found eight out of ten people to be weird. Three of which were extreme dumb blonds. One of which was bragging about being the perfect scorer in high school and lamenting her straight A's. Another one was being very kind and nice and was smiling almost all the time, I knew she was a fraud at first sight. And a guy who acted like he was every guy's dream and every girl's fantasy. And I thought these people needed help.



I was the only one from Johor in my class and I got lots of awkward stares when I was to mention I was from JB.



"JB? Is that the place which is always flooded?"


"Whoa. Do you guys have like, malls and stuff like that there?"


"Oh look, I have a classmate from Kluang. Are you guys in the same school or something?"


I was almost glad to hear, "You're from Convent? I've got a friend there." Only to find out this particular friend was in Convent, Batu Pahat, which in case some of you might not know is a good 120 km away from JB.



Why haven't these people realised that Johor Bahru was a village about half a millennium ago? It's a city now. We have roads like you do for God's sake. We have shopping complexes and buildings. The whole city doesn't get flooded by the way and it does not happen that frequently too. Kluang and Batu Pahat are different districts for crying out loud. And no, we don't have chickens running around in front of our houses.


So much for boosting tourism in the country. Why waste millions and millions of dollars when even Malaysians don't remember what that state near Singapore is called?



And so back to the point, just imagine the culture shock it gave me. Of course there were intellectual people around too and so I did find my clique.



The stress of course built up and it got harder to breathe and I, miss-everything-is-going-to-be-great, felt like my face fell flat on the ground. Those who came to college grinning in the beginning, started to look like zombies.



I feel so stupid coming here with a perception and I regret being so superficial. I wonder if things would have worked out differently for me if not. Sigh.



This post was inspired by the college's new intake students. And how seemingly happy they are to be in college and how excited they are to wear lab coats and how they smile all day long like idiots.



Sigh. Little do they know.

You start to wonder why you're here not there.

I think there's something wrong with my blog template. But I'm too lazy to deal with it now.


And I know I haven't been updating my blog for a very time. All because of the stupid wireless at my apartment and stupid Aunty Sonia who haven't been paying the bills.



Last weekend or was it the weekend before or three weekends ago, I don't know, but I went to Malacca with Sha-maine, Phui Yan and Benny on that weekend.


And we stayed at Sha-maine's house and we saw Sha-maine's boyboy and we ate yummy stuff and we bought dodols which speaking of is still lying untouched in my refrigerator and I'm too lazy to type so here are some of the pictures we took there. I'm too lazy to upload the rest of the pictures. It's in my facebook account so go take a look there.

Benny, Phui Yan and me

Sha-maine, Phui Yan and me

The three of us again. I like this picture a lot.

Benny looking retarded.



Benny still looking retarded. Sigh.

I'm from Malaysia lah.

Workers at fast food outlets bother me.



Me : One large set of Chicken McDeluxe, please.

The guy : Hah?

Me : Chicken McDeluxe.

The guy : You want set or burger?

Me : A set.

The guy : Medium or large?

Me : Large.

The guy : Wait ah.

(Takes forever. Chit chats with colleagues and ten minutes later arrives back.)

The guy : Nah.

Me : Thanks.



What's the point of fast food again? You take fifteen minutes to get your meal and you have repeat your order over and over again.


That stupid McDonald's worker. Pisses me off everytime.

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And then there's the hassle to buy a reload card.



Me : A Digi ten dollar reload card please.

The guy : What?

Me : Digi reload card.

The guy : How much one?

Me : Ten ringgit.

The guy : Maxis or Digi?

Me : Digi.

The guy : Nah.

Me : Thank you.



*Sigh*


Malaysia today.

I love my attitude (problem).

If I don't update my blog frequently enough it could be because:


1. I'm plain bone lazy.

2. I'm extremely busy that I can't even find time to eat, talk about blogging.

3. I'm doing the hospital attachment which is super tiring.

4. I'm in New York now, busy shopping like I print cash.

5. I'm helping the children in the war torn countries.

6. I'm dead.


But most if the time, if I don't update it's because of reason 1 and possibly 3.


And I am a lazy person and no one needs to say anything about that. I hate being made to do something I hate to do. (Not that I hate to blog, I'm talking about something completely different here.) I'm not a masochist and you can't boss me around.


Shit. I'm ranting again.


Even if everyone in the world told a claustrophobe that there's nothing wrong being in a confined area, he'd still be afraid to be in a confined area. It's entirely up to him to deal with his phobia. There is probably something wrong with me, but why don't you just accept it and respect me? I am a bewitching bitch by nature, I'm sorry.

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And on a completely unrelated note, I read Tony Parson's, Man and Boy which was really really so good. And here's a quote I love from the book.


Men die younger than women. They catch cancer more often than women. They commit suicide with greater frequency than women. They are more likely to be unemployed than women. But for some unfathomable reason, women are considered the victims.


Aren't I such an anti-feminist?

But these places and these faces are getting old, so I'm going home.

I'm home. Finally.


You can never guess how much I anticipated coming back here.



Rewind back to Friday where I was sitting in front my Physics exam paper grinning like an idiot even though I couldn't answer a single question on the paper beause I was going to go home. Two months, two long months before I finally can sleep on my bed at home.


Believe it or not, on the way back home, I was listening to Chris Daughtry's Home. That was how much I wanted to be back here.


And to think that when I was here, I sooo wanted to get out. And now that I have, I sooo can't wait to get back everytime.


But I'm home now. The same old sofa, the same old furnitures, the same old bed where I used to cry myself to sleep, my same old bolster which I used to hug tight and the same old blanket which I used to hide under to talk to my crush over the phone.


God. I'm glad I'm finally home.


And I know I'm going to get screwed when I receive my report card within these holidays. But then again, I'm happy.


For now.


And Wei Wern darling, I'll do your tag later. The later that always becomes later.