Here it is again yet it stings like the first time.

I'm like two days away from leaving to India. And for those of you who still don't know, I'm going to Manipal to do medicine. ( I feel funny saying it la, I'm probably just not used to it, I think.)



I'm going to be dissecting bodies from now onwards and my blog is going to be filled with pictures of visceral organs and cadavers and I'll probably have a viewer's discretion sign on the top of the page. Wtf la. God forbid. I promise you that my blog will be safe to read while eating and even if not, I'll warn you guys first.



On a different note, I'm feeling pretty sad about leaving. There's so much at home that I'm going to miss. And if I could fit everything in a suitcase, I would bring it all with me. But all that can come along with me are the only small pieces of the entire puzzle. Sigh.



It just hit me suddenly, when I had to choose what Maggi flavour I wanted and when I was buying three-in-one sachets of Milo and Nescafe. It was just like before I left to Subang, but this is not the
four-hour-ride-away-from-home anymore. This is waayy different.



Everybody is telling me that time will fly by and before I know it, I'll be home again. I want to believe them badly but I know that I'm going to miss out on soo many things in this two and the half years period. There will be family reunions, birthdays, engagements and weddings that I'll be missing on.
And I swear I'll cry if my baby cousin doesn't recognise me anymore after six months.



I've been trying to eat all my favourite food here and I just don't think I can have all that I want before I leave. I was trying to memorise the taste of laksa the other day and my sister started laughing at me. I know I probably sound pathetic but I've to live for six months without having all my comfort Malaysian food.



Before I leave, I'm going to memorise every single detail of my home and my room, till every single small mark and the absolute slightest detail is vivid in my memory. And I'll make sure it never does fade away, even the scent of my room and the sound of my dad's lamb chop sizzling on the pan.



This is only the small part of how I'm feeling now and I know it's going to get worse during the last few minutes when I'm leaving all the familiar faces to somewhere far and different and maybe even evil.


Sob sob.

Worlds collide.

In the eyes of all the narrow-minded teachers at my high school, I was the-girl-with-the-attitude-problem.



They didn't care that I got good grades or that I helped pull up the average of the school in major examinations or that I had 10 stunning A's for SPM or that I debated for the school and state or that I wrote stuff for the school in competitions or that I helped raising funds for the school.



And most importantly, they never cared about the 500 ringgit that my teammates and I won in a competition, which we were forced to donate to the school.



All that mattered to them was that I had hair falling all over my face and that I skipped school a little too often and I was rude to them.



So what if I stayed home during school days because I thought my teachers weren't doing a very good job teaching and that I would rather be studying at home than attending school? With my parents' permission at that.



So fine, I had hair falling over my eyes but who am I harming by doing so? And when some rigid, kampung mentality teacher questions me about my hair and start making rude remarks, what's wrong in standing up for myself by raising my voice?



So to all the asshole teachers in my high school who sat in the staffroom all day shaking their legs, eating karipap and drinking teh ais, talking about what an epic failure Tharani Naidu is going to become, I'll tell you now that I'm going to medical school and will be a successful doctor. And when you come running to me to save your lives, I might have to think twice.

.

.

.

.

p/s- I didn't mean all the teachers in my high school, just certain narrow-minded ones who were always finding faults in students and bullying those who were too afraid to stand up for themselves. But to the rest of the teachers who always had faith in me, I love you guys.

Stayin' alive.

Mmm. I think I've lost the passion to blog. I'd summarize what I've been doing and I end up with zero content.



I've been sleeping my days away, not cause of exhaustion but boredom. I don't even know what day is it today.



I hate being home where there are simply not enough snacks. I wonder how the rest of my family survives. And there isn't any more tissue paper. So sad la my life. No place to blow my nose also.



I'm craving for peanut butter and ice cream. And it has to be satisfied pronto. Or else I'm going to go crazy. Sob sob.



One thing I hate about new books is that I get paper cuts while reading them. I'm so prone to paper cuts la, I don't know why. I always end up with cuts after a night of cramming up for exams.



Sometimes I feel like throwing away all my dirty, folded and disgusting looking one ringgit notes. I don't know why but I rather throw them into the bin then giving them away.



I can't wait for Sunday. Eh, isn't it Saturday already? No wait, yesterday was Wednesday. I don't know la. I've lost track of time. Everyday is exactly the same so I can't distinguish the days anymore.



Maybe I should go to some culinary school and end up making chocolate bourbon pecan tarts and hazelnut cakes with chocolate truffle fillings for the rest of my life.



Or I could run away to fashion school, designing shoes and dresses and live happily ever after.



Or I could be a good girl and listen to my mum, go to medical school and spend the rest of my life killing people.



My cranium is pounding and I'm so sleepy. Which is crazy, considering I woke up just a few hours ago. I think I need help.



Bye bye.

Your pleasure's set up on slow-release.

Hey blog, how have you been doing? I'm sorry for being so negligent.


I'm sorry your owner prefers sleeping and lazing around and eating than to update you. You do not deserve to be treated such.


Take care, neglected blog.

And somehow, this hell is home.

The finals are over. I'm happy but I know I could have done much better.



I don't know how and I don't care how, but I'm going to awe everyone in medical school. Yes, I'm going to do way better than everyone else, I don't care if I have to raise up the dead for that but I'm going to do it. Oh yes, baby, I am. You scared now? Huh? Huh?



You wait, med school, you just wait for this genius who's going to save lives like she snaps her fingers. (Wait, I don't exactly know how to snap my fingers. Damn.)



Sigh. I was expecting to post something happy and nice since the exams are over and I'm having quite a bit of fun but I typed out all that in a rush before I could even stop myself. So you know what, since I've started ranting, I'm going to continue till I feel better so pardon me.



I can't believe the year has ended so fast. And I can't believe that I'm leaving this shithole already. Tonight will be the last night on my bed here and I can't believe I'm feeling almost sad that I can no longer sleep on this hard, rock-like, on the verge of breaking bed.



Rewind ten months before this, I was complaining about everything. I hated the bed, the bathroom, the whole freaking house actually. I felt dirtier after taking my shower when I first got here. Yes, that's how disgusting the situation of the bathroom is. But then somehow, I got used to it. And I thought I'll never grow on this place but I have. Now, I don't want to leave my shithole. It might be a shithole but it's MY shithole.



God. I'm going to cry now. And I'm so going to miss my friends, my roommate and even my fatass housemate whose laugh that sounds like grating fingernails on a chalkboard. Damn. It's like having a one night stand you know. One fantastic night with someone and then the next morning the person's gone. Only SAM's a year and you have a fantastic year with everybody and then the next year, everyone's gone, heading for different directions.



And no, it does not just stop there. Who has a two minute walk to college, to fastfood and Starbucks coffee? I did. But tomorrow onwards, my life will go back to Cindrella's life before she went to the ball. I sound like some abused child who ran away from home, don't I?



It's not like I don't want to go home. I do. I miss home so much. But to think that it's my last day on this creaking bed is just plain saddening you know. Tomorrow onwards I'm no college student. And I don't know what's in store for me next year. I could end up at some ulu place with no access to Internet, eating Maggi mee every night. Sigh.



And and the SAM results will be in a month plus from now. Which scares me so much too.



I'm packing now and it's so depressing to see everything for almost the last time. Sigh.



I'm about to go to bed and tomorrow, I'm going to leave this place with reluctance and possibly even tears.



Good night, Subang Jaya.

God bless catastrophe.

Okay. Fine.


Have a nice day.


Goodnight.



These are words that could twist around the heart like vines. And make you cry.


:
:
:


p/s- I seem to have developed a flu. And a migraine and a sore throat and high fever. The flu is so agonizing and I'm sneezing like ten times at a go. And my ear is constantly blocked which means I'm partially deaf too, and when Sha-maine was talking to me this morning, I actually couldn't hear a damn thing, so I just nodded. And then she repeated her question and I realised that I actually nodded to, "What class are we supposed to be in?". Sigh. I feel like I'm dying a slow and painful death. God knows if I'll ever recover from this incessant headache and I think I forgot how life feels like without a blocked ear.



p/p/s- Can I do exceptionally well in the final exam by studying in say, seven days?

Stalemate.

"You know everything happens for a reason."


"See, that I don't need. That is a cliche. That is not helpful to me. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush... I have no bird, I have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush."

Sing me a lullaby.

Iknowthisisextremelyrandombutjustshutupandreadlah.



- I cooked yesterday with Sherene and our meatball spaghetti turned out quite good for first timers.


- I have food poisoning. I wonder what caused it. What's the last thing I ate again? Meatball spaghe.. No, wait. Can't be.


- I attempted to read Physics at Starbucks yesterday. Oh the perfections of coffee.


- I love the colour of my new contact lenses but no one seems to notice it. Oh bother.


- I think the haze is killing me. First, my visions are getting blur. Then, I'm stopping to catch breath very frequently. I think I might die in college.


- I feel like eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream with peanut butter.


- I just fucking realised that Rio de Janeiro is in Brazil. Wtf? How come no one has ever told me that? I feel like I've been cheated my whole life.


- I've always, always wanted to make out on a piano. Damn.


- I bought this absolutely gorgeous looking purse. I've never been more proud of myself.


- I need someone to tell me how is the correct way to pronounce Iranian.


- I was just ranting to my friend on msn for five sodding minutes till I finally realised that I was actually talking to myself.


- Some taxi drivers should be kicked in the southern region.


- I've got Physics common test on Tuesday.


- I feel like sleeping.


- But I need to study Physics.


- Tomorrow la.


- Yawn.


- Night.



I'msorryfortherandomnessofthispost.

Can you rise to the occasion?

Yesterday was that time where seventeen years ago, a woman was in a constant state of pain because of an annoyingly overactive foetus who couldn't wait to get out. Then at around 10.20 p.m of the 25th of July 1991, the baby squeezed her way out.



And the kid was to be named Tharani Naidu.



25 07 2008 Friday



Sigh. I wasn't really looking forward to this day but of course you know, once in while, you realise that it's your birthday coming and you get a teeny weeny rush of excitement? I did feel that way. And every year the monotony of the day freaks me out, this year I was hoping for something different, for it being my first college year and the first time being away from home.




You try not to think about how the day will turn out.


Focus. Focus. Focus.


Homeostatic control mechanisms are self regulating ones that involve negative feedback.


Remember. Remember. Remember.


But somehow, your mind keeps drifting away and you start thinking about your birthday.


No. No. No.


Bio test on Monday. Focus.


You fail. Your mind drifts away again and you forget about the impending bio test.




At sharp 12 a.m, Sherene wished me. Then, messages came in wishing me a great birthday and a great day ahead and a wonderful year of surprises. Sigh. The bullock this people come up with. But then again, thanks for remembering and I'm glad I was of some importance to these people.




Now, get back to studying, you tell yourself.


But, no, your mind just does not seem to work.


Why? Why?


Shit.


You fight sleep in order to swallow a lymphatic system.


Shit.


You fall into a deep sleep.


Like every other day, you wake up on your birthday like it's just another day.


You randomly pick your clothes and get ready for college.


Monotony. Monotony. Monotony.


You reach on time to class.


Friends wish you. Some don't.


Predictable. Very predictable. Just too predictable.




First period was english. And Sha-maine told Dr.Santa that it was my birthday. Class went on as usual and towards the end of it, Dr Santa asked the class to sing me the birthday song. Now, that was something different. Something I never thought would happen. I was really touched. She doesn't hate me that much after all.




One hour ago, you knew you were going to eat the next hour.


You walk with a bunch of classmates for brunch.


Sigh. A routine choreographed for months.




Sha-maine, Benny, Phui Yan and I went to Subway and I had the usual sandwich. I just don't know why I order the same thing everytime. Just like when I'm in Starbucks. It's always the caramel frap. Don't ask me why. And yes, so we ate and took pictures and talked about Planck's Constant and laughed and had lots of fun. And then we headed down to Starbucks where they got me a slice of chocolate banana pie. Yum. And stupid Benny forced me to eat the cake all by myself and he refused to even take a bite. (Wait, Benny, just wait, on your birthday, I'll make you swallow the sodium thiosulphate solution.)




Then the day goes by, as usual again.


Bio lesson goes on.


As usual, you don't listen to a thing.


Blah. Blah. Blah.




Another break arrives and the four of us again went up to the library to a discussion room and we about to hit the sack there when Phui Yan got a phone call. She and Sha-maine had Physics extra class and so Benny and I were left at the library. So we decided to use the computers and we played a stupid game called the mash game. You know the one where you list down your crushes and cars and places you want to go and calculate and you'll find out which one of your crushes you end up marrying, which car you drive and where you end up staying? Yes, we played the online version of it. Benny would marry Sydney girl but end up as a beggar. Sha-maine would marry pores and drive a duck shit green Ferrari. And well, I had everything good. I will marry him, have 4 kids, drive a red Ferrari, live in Rome and become a doctor. Score, birthdays do bring good luck after all.




Sigh. Classes commence again.


Bo-ring.


Physics. Followed by Chemistry and then Maths.


Blah. Blah. Blah.


You never listen, I wonder how you get away with it.


Somehow you hope there will be a surprise party planned out for you.


But what crap. Who has the time to think for someone else?


Not that you liked surprise parties in the first place.




I reached home after school. Studied bio and was glad that my birthday was just another day. I had instant noodles for dinner just like how I planned I would weeks ago. Declined invitations and was happily slurping Maggi mee.




Time flies. The day just started right?


No, you realise that it's time to go to bed already.


You curl up in bed reading Jane Eyre eating the dark chocolates he bought you while listening to Amaranth repeatedly.


Nice. Nice. Nice.


The day is going to end. Your birthday is going to end.


Sigh. The hype about birthdays.


They turn out to be nothing.


And you realise that you're seventeen.


Just like you expected you would, yesterday.





But I really did enjoy my birthday. Guys, I love the bag. It's fabulous. It's completes me, you know. And I had loads of fun, even the pre-birthday dinner at Kim Gary. Everything was wonderful. I feel like writing a speech to thank everyone for everything. Thank you. Thank you. You know I love you all. Although if the sky falls, I'd save myself first. And no, I'm not kidding.



For those of you who didn't wish me, pay back next year. And for those who have succeeded in making me happy, you can get away even with bullying me.



And wow.




I'm seventeen.

If I could escape.

It's funny how I entered college beginning of this year, thinking that everything was going to be simple and fun. I was looking forward for this year, somehow or rather. And it's so ironic how I thought that things were going to be different and my life would take a change.



I was so sure that all that stress ended with SPM and college life would be of rainbows and smiles.


Oh shut up. Don't laugh.


And on the first day, I realised that I didn't quite much like the people I met. I found eight out of ten people to be weird. Three of which were extreme dumb blonds. One of which was bragging about being the perfect scorer in high school and lamenting her straight A's. Another one was being very kind and nice and was smiling almost all the time, I knew she was a fraud at first sight. And a guy who acted like he was every guy's dream and every girl's fantasy. And I thought these people needed help.



I was the only one from Johor in my class and I got lots of awkward stares when I was to mention I was from JB.



"JB? Is that the place which is always flooded?"


"Whoa. Do you guys have like, malls and stuff like that there?"


"Oh look, I have a classmate from Kluang. Are you guys in the same school or something?"


I was almost glad to hear, "You're from Convent? I've got a friend there." Only to find out this particular friend was in Convent, Batu Pahat, which in case some of you might not know is a good 120 km away from JB.



Why haven't these people realised that Johor Bahru was a village about half a millennium ago? It's a city now. We have roads like you do for God's sake. We have shopping complexes and buildings. The whole city doesn't get flooded by the way and it does not happen that frequently too. Kluang and Batu Pahat are different districts for crying out loud. And no, we don't have chickens running around in front of our houses.


So much for boosting tourism in the country. Why waste millions and millions of dollars when even Malaysians don't remember what that state near Singapore is called?



And so back to the point, just imagine the culture shock it gave me. Of course there were intellectual people around too and so I did find my clique.



The stress of course built up and it got harder to breathe and I, miss-everything-is-going-to-be-great, felt like my face fell flat on the ground. Those who came to college grinning in the beginning, started to look like zombies.



I feel so stupid coming here with a perception and I regret being so superficial. I wonder if things would have worked out differently for me if not. Sigh.



This post was inspired by the college's new intake students. And how seemingly happy they are to be in college and how excited they are to wear lab coats and how they smile all day long like idiots.



Sigh. Little do they know.

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus

Wouldn't it be easier to develop a long term, intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy, if he was a Labrador Retriever?



Why is it so hard with human guys?



Okay. Analysing time.



Let's say a guy named, Sirius asked a girl named, Nicole out to a movie. She accepts and they both have the time of their lives.


A few nights later, he asks her out to dinner, and again they both have a pretty good time. They continue to see each other regularly and soon, neither is seeing anybody else.


Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought crosses Nicole's mind. And she says, "Do you realise that we have been seeing each other for six months already?"


Silence fills the car. To Nicole, the silence is too loud to take. She thinking, "Gee, it must have bothered him that I said that. Maybe he feels confined by this relationship. Or maybe he thinks I'm pushing him into some kind of obligation."


Sirius is thinking, "Gosh. Six months." And Nicole is thinking, "Hey, I'm not sure if I want this relationship either. Where am I heading to? Towards marriage? Children?"


And Sirius is thinking, "Six months... That means, let see... October, last year, when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... Let me check the odometer.. Whoa. Damn it. I'm wayyy overdue for an oil change here."


And Nicole is thinking, "He's upset. I know it. I can see it on his face. Maybe, he wants more from our relationship. Yes, that must be it."


Sirius is thinking, "What the-? I'm going to get them to look at the transmission again. I don't give a damn what those assholes are doing to say. These damn thing is just not shifting right. I paid those morons so much and this thing is moving like a garbage truck.


Nicole is thinking, "He's angry. I don't blame him for that. I'd be angry too. I'm just not giving him enough in this relationship. I'm so stupid."


And Sirius is thinking, "I know what are they going to say. They are probably going to say that it's only a three month warranty!"


Nicole is thinking, "I'm too stupid, just to stupid." Sirius is thinking, "Warranty?? I'll give them a warranty!"


"Sirius." Nicole says aloud.


"What?" says Sirius.


"I know you think I'm a fool, don't you?" Nicole says.


"No!" Sirius immediately replies, glad to know the right answer.


"Sirius, do you feel the same way about time?"


"Yes." He hesitates then answers, not knowing what she even meant.


Then, Sirius takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted soul weeping till dawn. Sirius, on the other hand, reaches home, tears open a packet of chips, turns on the television and immediately becomes deeply involved in a tennis match between two Czech players he never heard of.


The next day, Nicole will call her friend and both the girls will talk for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything he said and she said. They will continue discussing about this subject for weeks not coming to a definite answer.



So, you see, this is not about different wavelengths here. It's like different planets from completely different solar systems.


Guys have a guy brain, an organ that can only solve problems. It's not comfortable with nebulous concepts like love, need and trust.


But what we women think, is that, how can a guy see a girl day after day, night after night, and not be thinking about the relationship they're having?


A guy in a relationship is like an ant standing on the top of a truck tyre. The ant is aware that something large is there, but cannot even dimly comprehend what it is all about. And if the truck starts moving and the tyre starts to roll, the ant will sense something important is happening but right up until he rolls to the bottom and is squashed, the only thought in his tiny brain will be HUH?



If Nicole continues to keep quiet about the relationship, so will Sirius because he has a guy's brain. She has to keep reminding him that there is a relationship and that he is committed to it.


If not, there it goes.


Even so, how much Nicole reminds Sirius and even if it penetrates his tiny brain some day, all he can do about it is tell his guy friends,






"Nicole and I, we have, ahhhh....... ummm.. we.. we have... this thing."

Sexuality.

Thanks to Edwin and Sha-maine and their almost-deaf-ears because that's what inspired me to blog about this.



"You know Zack's friend?"


"Huh? Sex friend?"

.
.
.

"Four."


"Huh? Fuck?

.
.
.

No. I'm not going to blog about sex.



It's sexuality.


The sexuality that we all have so much hype about. Pointing almost at every boy saying, "I think he's gay."


And poor boys, because when they hold hands, we immediately label them as gay not bothering even if the guy is holding his father's hands.



Heterosexuals.


~A person who gets attracted to the opposite gender.


Normal people, as I would label.


Or, a person who has yet to realise he's gay, according to somebody I shall not mention.


Heterosexuals are what most of us are. A person building images of Santa Claus in a surgical mask would be called a heterosexual too, I think. Hehe. An inside joke.



And then, we have the Homosexuals.


~By far the most common after heteros, these people enjoy seeing their own sex naked.


They find the idea of guy-on-guy or girl-on-girl rather appealing.


Weirdest people of all, if you ask me. I mean, kissing a guy rocks, but kissing a girl? Can't even bring myself to think about it. Odd people. Really really odd people.



The Bisexuals.


~The hippies and freestylers. They like both. Their sex and the opposite sex.


Makes me wonder how desperate can these people get.


"She's hot and God, her boyfriend is too."



Worst of all, we have the Pansexuals.


~Freaking sex maniacs. They like both sexes and well, EVERYthing else too. As in animals and inanimate objects too.


Tell me, how more desperate can anyone get?


"Ooooh. The dog was good. Now, time to try on the carrots."



The most nuts of them all, the Asexuals.


~They abstain from reproducing completely. Or artificial reproduction.


Normal people look at good-looking people and say, "He/she is sexy." They look at nothing say, "That's sexy."


Sickos.



Then, some guys are Metrosexuals.


~A straight man who embraces the modern lifestyle, i.e. refined tastes in clothing, excessive use of designer hygiene products, etc. Doesn't mind guys fantasizing about him but find the idea of guy-on-guy repulsive.


These people get excited when you tell them, "Hey. A guy just said that you have nice six-packs." But they find gays weird. They think it's stupid to make out with the same sex but they like it when the same sex tell them something nice.


Weird, too. But it's hard to be a metrosexual. Not many guys fuss about clothes ALOT.



Finally, the Ubersexuals.


~These Ubersexuals are the epitome of manhood with the understanding of all the sophistication and fine things in life.


Ubersexuals closer to home include,




my boyfriend.

.

.

.

Sigh. Bloody lame post.

Alternate Reality or Supernaturals?

Okay, so after a long time of deliberation and procrastination, I'm finally here to update my blog.



I don't want to blame my absence on the tests we were having. I'm not going to say that I did not update cause I was busy studying for some common tests that I'm going to do freaking well in.


Because I was busy wasting my time for the past month. I might not have blogged frequently instead I went for shopping frequently, which is why I'm sitting here happily grinning at my laptop screen thinking about that gorgeous top I bought.


I watched tonnes of shows online. I read lots of nice books and here I am, day dreaming about some hot fictional character. I wasted my damn time. And you know why I'm telling you all this?


So that I can show off later on, when we get back all our test papers saying "Haha, I never study get so high, you study day and night also can fail. Life damn unfair hor?"


Like that would happen.



Now, back to serious business.



Dreams. To me, dreams display an ability of our subconscious that supercedes the ability of our conscious. When we dream, the information scattered around our brain are randomly gathered and the synapses along with logic neurones relate memories with one another to form alternative memories to the ones we initially had.



Here is where the idea of an alternate reality comes in. With the bend in space and time, it might be possible for us to one day discover another world akin to ours with another you and me in it. Till then, the dreams are the only things we have to get a glimpse of the possibilities and beyond.



Not dreams where you dance with some hot movie star or dreams like the ones where you get pulled down from a high rise flat by an old couple with Arthritis and you break out in cold sweat. I am talking about dreams where it all seems too logical and you wake up wondering whether it actually happened or not.



Sleepwalking. It's the same as this logical dreaming. It is again about the bend of space and time when you'll actually do something you are not aware of even though it's what your mind is telling you to do. And you don't remember what you did when you get conscious.



Just imagine one morning, waking up to find a plate on top of your toilet bowl. Or on a another occasion finding your tupperware in the fruits plastic bag in the fridge.



Two freaky things, and I'm not going to confess that it happened here, in my apartment.



"Oh my God! I think it's the you know what's. Scary la, man."


"Erm, Sherene, it's most probably someone sleepwalked."


"Cannot be la. Have you noticed that there're lots of stairwells that don't make sense here? It's really something! There's something here."



One blames it on supernaturals. Another would say it was someone's subconsciousness that lead to this. But neither can proof their stand.



And here I am, blogging about what my roommate and I can't seem to come to an answer.



So what is it? Alternate reality or the supernaturals?

Social networks. The greatest revolution, no?

Why do we join such social networking sites like Facebook?




Why is it that only after joining such sites we realise how it has been swiftly swirling the drain in terms of exciting us?




Facebook was so big a deal that I wanted to join it months ago. But to prevent the distraction and for the fact that SPM was in like only months away, I waited.


And guess what, I joined it during SPM. In between the hectic schedule, the exams and while burning the midnight oil, I decided to do some social networking!


That is what sites like this can do to people. It gets you so hooked.




You don't exactly join it for its main purpose either, that is to make friends, but you just go for it. Why? When after all, friends you make in such sites are your everyday friends. But, of course, this is an exception for some social outcasts who tend to make lots of unwanted friends on such sites because they just can't do it in reality. (I'm just randomly saying this and it's not because I'm trying to point out someone in case any of you terperasaan.)




Face the fact, most of us join these sites mainly to post cute and pretty pictures of us silently wishing some hot guy falls for us.


Again not pointing out anybody, but some like to post pictures of their so-called six-pack thinking that girls might drool over them.


And then, one more thing we love to do, drop stupid, unwanted chain testimonials just to irritate our poor friends.


Or to put up lots of I Am Going To Kill You kind of messages on your boyfriend's profile because he's cheating on you and worse of all, on some innocent girl's profile for stealing your boyfriend which they never did.




Isn't this why most people join social networking sites? When these sites are actually created for better reasons, we misuse them by doing funny things such as showing off how emo or gothic we are. And worse of all, some guys go to the extend of putting a thick layer of eyeliner on themselves in an attempt to look like the My Chemical Romance just to take a picture.


Not pointing fingers, again.




We should be glad such sites like Friendster, MySpace and Facebook were created. They weren't when my mum was at school and the result? She can't possibly remember any one of her friend's names. Which is why when my mum sees a familiar face, I usually stand at a corner pretending to be interested in something stupid, praying desperately that my mum would remember her friend's name.


So be thankful you wouldn't be embarassing your kids in the future and join Facebook!


It's not that great a revolution but certainly outbeats so many other social networks on the Internet.




I'm not exactly having much fun at Facebook though. It makes you selfish. (I typed it as shellfish first. God, I just love stupid typos.)


Where was I? Yes, I'd rather post some birthday grafitti on a friend's wall than calling her up and personally wishing her now. I rather send Christmas wishes through testimonials and fake Christmas presents through Facebook.


So fine, social networking sites do make you into a crappy person but then again.


They are cool. Especially Facebook. Maybe it is a not-so-nice thing to go around giving people bodyslams, putting dryer holes in their underwears, giving them wedgies, stealing their underwears and so on and so forth. But it is certainly fun.


It's not like you can do them in reality, can you?


I just love doing ridiculous things like that.


Wasting time.


Doing pointless stuff just for self-satisfaction.

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And I know for a fact that I'm not the only one.

What wouldn't I trade for a time machine?

You were promised a free ticket, free popcorn and free drinks. So you decided to go along and watch the movie, Enchanted even though it wasn't a movie you were looking forward to.


As soon as you enter the cinema, you start to regret even more.


True love? What the heck.


And you look at your watch time and time again. But you sit there waiting for it to end soon when you start to realise that you're enjoying it.


The popcorn taste like rubber, the guy behind you keeps kicking the back of your seat but you are enjoying every single detail of the movie that you couldn't care less about what's happening around you.


The movie ends and you wish it hadn't because somehow or rather, you were reminded about the past. About how you were also once a kid who believed in fairytales.


You walk out of the movie theatre and start to ponder about how growing older had made you into a totally different person.



You aren't the same girl who wanted to marry a prince and live happily ever after.

You aren't the same girl who wanted a fairy godmother.

You aren't the same girl who wanted to have dwarfs, pixies, and elves as friends.

And it's because you grew up to face the reality.

All you need now is a contenting life which you know that all that above will not promise you.

Because it's fantasy. It's stupid.

Because you grew up.



As a kid, you wished for a wishing wand to fast forward time, to make yourself grow older.

Because you never knew then what adolescence would bring you.

But now you want a time machine to turn back time to make you a kid again.

So you could enjoy life without having to worry about exams, homework etc.

So you could enjoy childhood again.



As a kid, even reading peter and jane seemed like a chore to you because you never knew about the existence of renaissance, reformation and revolutions.

Getting the answer right to five plus six made you scream with joy and that's because you never knew about the existence of differentiation and integration.

But now you do, which is why you want to turn back time.

You were living in your own litte world then.

A nice little world where Mr. Bean could make you laugh.

But you are old now and you have to face the cruel world.

You have to wake up and smell the coffee.

This is the real world.



Childhood, teenage life. Two totally different worlds.

It makes you think what would adulthood bring you.

And you shudder just thinking about it.


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On a completely unrelated note, the class party was a total blast. Even though many of them weren't able to make it, I just thank God I wasn't one of those idiots.