Illogical logic.

I got this through an email and I thought it really deserves a spot on my blog.


It's an interview with a doctor. (Apparently.)



Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life - Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!



Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good!



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



Q: Will doing sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!



Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.



*And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways: Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'*



*AND.. For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.*



1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.



CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.




~Bloody lame.

Mixed feelings.

Smiles, laughter, sobs, sorrow, screams, pain, pride, hate, envy, joys, embraces, longing, love, romance, wine, kisses, sex and forevers.



Things don't always turn out the way you want them to.

Just stop and stare. Adore and admire.

It does not feel that good to be in my shoes now.

Quintessentially Malaysian.

Chemistry common test was today. And..


Bloody hell.


Screw chemistry. Screw the damn paper.



There I was spending the whole night sitting in front of my chemistry books, cramming facts into my minuscule brain.


2 tsp NESCAFE + 2 tsp C6H12O6 + 2 tsp COFFEEMATE + 1/2 cup hot H20 = 6 and the 1/2 hours of chemistry all night which was also supposed to be equals to answering the paper with ease and scoring good grades.


But no, looking at the paper this morning all I had to say was FUCK. Every single thing there seemed Greek to me and the essay was about some stupid protein-coagulating-crap which I had absolutely no idea on. Shit.


I totally screwed it up.



Anyway, look what I found.

Comparison of cornflake packages: Koko Krunch vs Choc Crunchies, Honey Stars vs Honey Twinkies.



What kind of name Honey Twinkies is supposed to be? Choc Crunchies? WTF? First of all, which idiot actually buys imitation cereals? And stupid Malaysian people so cekap enough to come up with wonderful names like Honey Twinkies. You think people want to buy your stupid imitation products ah? Some more with names like that.


What's next? The imitation of Krispy Kreme would be called Creepy Cunt.


The imitation of Coke will be Cock. "Wanna a sip of Cock-A-Cola?"


Baskin Robbins will become Best-Nya-Robbing.


Way to go, Malaysians.



MALAYSIA BOLEH! Everything also boleh.

Tagged. Damn.

I know I haven't been updating my blog frequently.



I was super busy doing stupid assignments, studying for some stupid tests when all I was meant to do was eating chocolates all day long, reading a nice chick-lit and going ooooh over some hot fictional character while listening to music.



Damn. I'm really stuck in the wrong place.



Anyway, since I've been tagged by Janice and I'm left with no choice since she keeps bugging about doing this tag thingy, I might as well get it done and over with.


Here the crap goes..



5 things I was doing 10 years ago (1998)?


I have no idea. Honestly. Let me see. I was in Primary One then. And....


~ I was making everybody jealous cause I had this coolest bag. It had like rollers and it could, like be rolled around and it was like, rolling. Now, if I would to carry that bag around, God, I wonder how people will look at me.

~ I discovered the Internet. And, boy, was I fascinated by it or what?

~ I made a bet with my friends that if I could climb the monkey bar and stay on the top for 10 minutes straight, they would have to buy me chocolates. But I just never got around doing it. I can't remember why, though. I wonder if the monkey bars are still there and I wonder if I can find my long lost friends and most importantly I wonder if they still sell those little chocolate rings.

~ I told my sister that Michael Jackson went to the same university as my dad and that I was one of the lead singers in Jackson 5. The poor three year old believed me.

~ I cried for a Spaceship game thingy that my parents never bought me. But who cares anyway, I snatched my cousin's and played with it till I got bored of it. Poor boy, stood crying in a corner. I used bully that boy a lot. Wait, I still do, actually.



5 things on my to-do list today.


~ Study Bio. (Shit. Haven't started doing that.)

~ Finish up the Chemistry Social Relevance Task. (Damn. Still halfway.)

~ Clean up my desk and file which is bursting with unwanted notes. (My classmates should know about the file, my only-can-carry-with-two-hands-file. And fish, I haven't started with this either.)

~ Wash the clothes that are piling up. (Shoot. Haven't got this one done yet.)

~ Change my bed sheet from the blue one into that pink one. (I really do not want to change it. I love my current blanket. Reminds me of someone. Heh. But looking at pink colour enhances your sex appeal. Apparently.)

Oh shit. Lots and lots of things to do and I haven't started even with one. Like World Taekwondo Federation aka WTF am I doing here?



5 Snacks I enjoy.


~ Chocolate. Orgasmic chocolate.

~ Ice-cream. I adore Haagen Daaz and Baskin Robbins.

~ Pleasure inducing cakes. Cheese cakes especially.

~ Starbucks' lemingtons.

~ Alah. Basically I enjoy everything. Semua pun aku hantam.



5 Things I would do if I were a billionaire.


~ Get that Aston Martin DBS and show off to Sreerram. Boo hoo hoo. I finally got one. You don't have. HA HA HA HA HA.

~ Buy all the shoes that I ever wanted. And that Jimmy Choos. You were meant to be with me.

~ Buy shares everywhere possible. It's called being smart. Making more money.

~ Build lifts or escalators for Taylor's. Probably buy over Taylor's. And that TER 99.9 is mine.

~ Oh okay. I'll get my sister that Nike softball shoes. It's chicken feet anyway for a billionaire like me.



5 of my bad habits.


~ I talk a little bit too much. Fine. I talk wayyy too much and get everyone around me annoyed. Happy?

~ Procrastinating is my middle name. (See the 5 things on my to-do list today. There's more than 5, actually. None which I've started with.)

~ I spend money like I print them. How I wish I was loaded.

~ I bully my sister and my cousins a lot. It's not a bad habit actually. It's a talent. Which only people like me can master. And I bitch about people way too much too.

~ I argue with people a lot. I love to win these arguments. Even when I lose, I never admit that I was wrong in the first place. Yes, I'm stubborn and I merajuk very fast plus I never say sorry. Never.


Hate me if you want. But reality is, all of you would die to be me.



5 places I have lived.


~ Johor Bahru.

~ Johor Bahru.

~ Johor Bahru.

~ Johor Bahru.

~ And oh yea, Subang Jaya for now.



5 jobs I've had.


~ Banker. You know the one in the Monopoly game where you handle the money. Yes, I cheated a lot, by the way. Pity my cousins, they never did figure out why I kept having the most properties in the darn game.

~ Been the tissue lady. Where I provide tissue for all tissue-less people.

~ Hairdresser. When I used to tie up my cousin's hair and put coloured clips on them. And laugh at him when I'm all done.

~ Calculator. I have calculated things for the lazy people who turn to me even when they have a battery operated calculator next to them. And no, I am not trying to brag here.

~ I have been a student for the whole of my life. Never was good in the job. Never did do my homework or pass them up. Never hire me again.



5 people I tag.


~ Everyone who reads this, you're tagged.

~ Won't have anything against you even if you don't do it.

~ Tan Wei Wern, you're left with no other choice. Since you're at Perth, I'll give you time.

~ Sherene Anne, you too have no choice.

~ Muahahaha. I'm a cruel chick.



Damn la. The stupid common tests are coming and I'm just not even bothering.


I. AM. SO. GONNA. DIE.


*Panicking and hurrying off to complete her undone assignments and load up her brains with boring chemistry and biology.*


*Wait. Before that she shall go read some blogs and waste time. The rest can be taken care of later. One total professional procrastinator, this girl is.*