Can you rise to the occasion?

Yesterday was that time where seventeen years ago, a woman was in a constant state of pain because of an annoyingly overactive foetus who couldn't wait to get out. Then at around 10.20 p.m of the 25th of July 1991, the baby squeezed her way out.



And the kid was to be named Tharani Naidu.



25 07 2008 Friday



Sigh. I wasn't really looking forward to this day but of course you know, once in while, you realise that it's your birthday coming and you get a teeny weeny rush of excitement? I did feel that way. And every year the monotony of the day freaks me out, this year I was hoping for something different, for it being my first college year and the first time being away from home.




You try not to think about how the day will turn out.


Focus. Focus. Focus.


Homeostatic control mechanisms are self regulating ones that involve negative feedback.


Remember. Remember. Remember.


But somehow, your mind keeps drifting away and you start thinking about your birthday.


No. No. No.


Bio test on Monday. Focus.


You fail. Your mind drifts away again and you forget about the impending bio test.




At sharp 12 a.m, Sherene wished me. Then, messages came in wishing me a great birthday and a great day ahead and a wonderful year of surprises. Sigh. The bullock this people come up with. But then again, thanks for remembering and I'm glad I was of some importance to these people.




Now, get back to studying, you tell yourself.


But, no, your mind just does not seem to work.


Why? Why?


Shit.


You fight sleep in order to swallow a lymphatic system.


Shit.


You fall into a deep sleep.


Like every other day, you wake up on your birthday like it's just another day.


You randomly pick your clothes and get ready for college.


Monotony. Monotony. Monotony.


You reach on time to class.


Friends wish you. Some don't.


Predictable. Very predictable. Just too predictable.




First period was english. And Sha-maine told Dr.Santa that it was my birthday. Class went on as usual and towards the end of it, Dr Santa asked the class to sing me the birthday song. Now, that was something different. Something I never thought would happen. I was really touched. She doesn't hate me that much after all.




One hour ago, you knew you were going to eat the next hour.


You walk with a bunch of classmates for brunch.


Sigh. A routine choreographed for months.




Sha-maine, Benny, Phui Yan and I went to Subway and I had the usual sandwich. I just don't know why I order the same thing everytime. Just like when I'm in Starbucks. It's always the caramel frap. Don't ask me why. And yes, so we ate and took pictures and talked about Planck's Constant and laughed and had lots of fun. And then we headed down to Starbucks where they got me a slice of chocolate banana pie. Yum. And stupid Benny forced me to eat the cake all by myself and he refused to even take a bite. (Wait, Benny, just wait, on your birthday, I'll make you swallow the sodium thiosulphate solution.)




Then the day goes by, as usual again.


Bio lesson goes on.


As usual, you don't listen to a thing.


Blah. Blah. Blah.




Another break arrives and the four of us again went up to the library to a discussion room and we about to hit the sack there when Phui Yan got a phone call. She and Sha-maine had Physics extra class and so Benny and I were left at the library. So we decided to use the computers and we played a stupid game called the mash game. You know the one where you list down your crushes and cars and places you want to go and calculate and you'll find out which one of your crushes you end up marrying, which car you drive and where you end up staying? Yes, we played the online version of it. Benny would marry Sydney girl but end up as a beggar. Sha-maine would marry pores and drive a duck shit green Ferrari. And well, I had everything good. I will marry him, have 4 kids, drive a red Ferrari, live in Rome and become a doctor. Score, birthdays do bring good luck after all.




Sigh. Classes commence again.


Bo-ring.


Physics. Followed by Chemistry and then Maths.


Blah. Blah. Blah.


You never listen, I wonder how you get away with it.


Somehow you hope there will be a surprise party planned out for you.


But what crap. Who has the time to think for someone else?


Not that you liked surprise parties in the first place.




I reached home after school. Studied bio and was glad that my birthday was just another day. I had instant noodles for dinner just like how I planned I would weeks ago. Declined invitations and was happily slurping Maggi mee.




Time flies. The day just started right?


No, you realise that it's time to go to bed already.


You curl up in bed reading Jane Eyre eating the dark chocolates he bought you while listening to Amaranth repeatedly.


Nice. Nice. Nice.


The day is going to end. Your birthday is going to end.


Sigh. The hype about birthdays.


They turn out to be nothing.


And you realise that you're seventeen.


Just like you expected you would, yesterday.





But I really did enjoy my birthday. Guys, I love the bag. It's fabulous. It's completes me, you know. And I had loads of fun, even the pre-birthday dinner at Kim Gary. Everything was wonderful. I feel like writing a speech to thank everyone for everything. Thank you. Thank you. You know I love you all. Although if the sky falls, I'd save myself first. And no, I'm not kidding.



For those of you who didn't wish me, pay back next year. And for those who have succeeded in making me happy, you can get away even with bullying me.



And wow.




I'm seventeen.

Calculate your sex score.

My Maths lecturer reminds me of my mum's autistic student.



This man is from China and he's called Mr. Wang but we pronounce it as wear-ng just to aggravate him because he pronounces all our names with the most annoying fake-British accent, but no, he never seems irritated when you call him that which so happens to irritate you more. Get it?



Nevermind. He just infuriates me to no end.



Just imagine sitting through one hour of lecture on Maths not understanding a thing.



It doesn't stop there. He mispronounces words and his accent is a bloody annoyance.


Sigma X as siggema x.

Standard deviation as sand devation.

Z-score as sex score.



Don't laugh. He's a lecturer. Respect the poor guy.


But but but he is detrimental to the emotional state of my mind. He's he's he's driving me nuts. I'm I'm I'm turning insane.


How do you think the other students do it then?


How would I know? I just don't get what he's saying. If my TER sucks, it's him.


Oh right. Go on and blame everyone else except yourself. You're always right, aren't you?


Shut up. I'm helping myself as far as I can get. I'm trying my best. And I'm only blaming him not 'everyone else', as you put it.


Helping yourself? Look who's blogging now. You could be doing more worthwhile things, like say, study?


Pfft. Grrr. Fine. Later.


Procrastinator.


DON'TGETMEONMYNERVES.


Sigh. I give up.



Basically, you've just seen a conversation between me and well, me. A lazy one and the more sensible one. Hey, I could be sensible too okay. But the lazy, procrastinator one always reigns supreme which explains why I'm not Einstein yet.



Yet? Yet? You think you'll ever be Einstein?


I thought you gave up? Here we go again.


I have better things to do than to argue with you, actually.


Hah hah. Loser.



Anyways, it's depressing. My Maths is just deteriorating like anything. Sigh.



And I'm beginning to mispronounce words too.



THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT. REALLY! IT IS.


Oh rubbish. Don't get me started.



And another whole episode of the Tharani and well, Tharani conversation takes place again.

If I could escape.

It's funny how I entered college beginning of this year, thinking that everything was going to be simple and fun. I was looking forward for this year, somehow or rather. And it's so ironic how I thought that things were going to be different and my life would take a change.



I was so sure that all that stress ended with SPM and college life would be of rainbows and smiles.


Oh shut up. Don't laugh.


And on the first day, I realised that I didn't quite much like the people I met. I found eight out of ten people to be weird. Three of which were extreme dumb blonds. One of which was bragging about being the perfect scorer in high school and lamenting her straight A's. Another one was being very kind and nice and was smiling almost all the time, I knew she was a fraud at first sight. And a guy who acted like he was every guy's dream and every girl's fantasy. And I thought these people needed help.



I was the only one from Johor in my class and I got lots of awkward stares when I was to mention I was from JB.



"JB? Is that the place which is always flooded?"


"Whoa. Do you guys have like, malls and stuff like that there?"


"Oh look, I have a classmate from Kluang. Are you guys in the same school or something?"


I was almost glad to hear, "You're from Convent? I've got a friend there." Only to find out this particular friend was in Convent, Batu Pahat, which in case some of you might not know is a good 120 km away from JB.



Why haven't these people realised that Johor Bahru was a village about half a millennium ago? It's a city now. We have roads like you do for God's sake. We have shopping complexes and buildings. The whole city doesn't get flooded by the way and it does not happen that frequently too. Kluang and Batu Pahat are different districts for crying out loud. And no, we don't have chickens running around in front of our houses.


So much for boosting tourism in the country. Why waste millions and millions of dollars when even Malaysians don't remember what that state near Singapore is called?



And so back to the point, just imagine the culture shock it gave me. Of course there were intellectual people around too and so I did find my clique.



The stress of course built up and it got harder to breathe and I, miss-everything-is-going-to-be-great, felt like my face fell flat on the ground. Those who came to college grinning in the beginning, started to look like zombies.



I feel so stupid coming here with a perception and I regret being so superficial. I wonder if things would have worked out differently for me if not. Sigh.



This post was inspired by the college's new intake students. And how seemingly happy they are to be in college and how excited they are to wear lab coats and how they smile all day long like idiots.



Sigh. Little do they know.

You start to wonder why you're here not there.

I think there's something wrong with my blog template. But I'm too lazy to deal with it now.


And I know I haven't been updating my blog for a very time. All because of the stupid wireless at my apartment and stupid Aunty Sonia who haven't been paying the bills.



Last weekend or was it the weekend before or three weekends ago, I don't know, but I went to Malacca with Sha-maine, Phui Yan and Benny on that weekend.


And we stayed at Sha-maine's house and we saw Sha-maine's boyboy and we ate yummy stuff and we bought dodols which speaking of is still lying untouched in my refrigerator and I'm too lazy to type so here are some of the pictures we took there. I'm too lazy to upload the rest of the pictures. It's in my facebook account so go take a look there.

Benny, Phui Yan and me

Sha-maine, Phui Yan and me

The three of us again. I like this picture a lot.

Benny looking retarded.



Benny still looking retarded. Sigh.