The craziest attempt of a love letter

My most pitiful attempt to outbeat Shakespeare's love. The letter I scribbled in a total trance after being taught the Sonnet 18 two years ago.




Dear lover,




The beauty of your eyes is comparable to the explosion of constellations. No matter how many lives will be lost, it would be worth it for the beauty contained within those speckled glassy sphere-like things that some humans have began to call "eyes".





Your lips is as beautiful and tender as tuna. Although the smell of tuna is not satisfying, its juiciness is incomparable. You are aware that millions buy tuna sandwiches each day and to think that I don't have to buy them makes me euphoric. I'm forever grateful to you for introducing me to the loveliness of tuna.




Your hair is as smooth as my skin. You do know how smooth my skin is and you must be elated for your hair is just as smooth. As my fingers run through your hair, the feelings is beyond words can express. The silky feeling is just fantastic.




You are the most wonderful ostrich egg amongst all the eggs of the world. If you knew ostrich eggs like I know them, you would know that an ostrich egg is larger and has the most exquisite yolk. While others would try to inject you with growth hormones, I refuse. My love requires no genetic modification.




You are the rescue boat to my indigenous islander unsatisfied with her living conditions. Unhappy with the limited food options of mango and pomegranate, I had eaten the island's former inhabitants.




Rendered alone by my own desperate and gluttonous actions, I ranted my frustrations to a nearby palm tree as I resentfully pooped on bamboo leaves. I intrinsically knew there must be more civilized ways of defecating. Your love has brought me the toilet.




You have changed me into a whole new civilized person. No more a cannibal, I've learned the finest things of life. You made me into a better person. Now you're everything to me. Without you, there is no me.




Plainly speaking,


You're the shoelaces to my shoes.


You're the hem to my skirt.


You're the chemical that showed me romance.


You're the blink to my 182.


You're the one and only.





Love,

Your lover.



















So, have you stopped laughing?



★P.S- Because life's like that